My Spiritual Experiments with Tureya Ashram.
By: Laura Utta
My journey with the Tureya Foundation began in 2001. Behind the start of my experience with this community is a long and nearly tiresome search that took me first to Thailand and eventually to this small spiritual community in Southern India. I wanted to share this part of my life in order to give people hope and direction for their search for the true and essential state of being. I suffered a lot through this process, but eventually came to find something real and meaningful that I believe many are seeking but many have struggled as they seek the path of true spirituality. The journey towards the spiritual life is not always easy, and we sometimes find ourselves in detours that are unexpected and occasionally unwelcomed, but as we work towards our unique spiritual destiny we will find that every path lead to a home, a place where we can rest. With devotion, the spiritual path will always carries us towards eternity. While your course of direction may be different, I wish to share mine with the hope that you will find guidance and solace in my experience and ventures towards the divine.
I have been practicing and seeking spirituality for some time now. I started when I was leaving college and looking for something more meaningful than drinking, smoking, and partying which were so common amongst my generation. We were the hippies of the 70's, talking about peace and love but sometime neglecting the sanctity and health of our bodies and minds. I left USC in search of a purpose, a place to live within my mind and heart that would not be disturbed by the cat calls of worry and fear that usually overtake a youth entering into the world of work, commitment, and dedication. I felt as though I had become a designed servant to a corporate empire of greed and competition. I graduated with a Masters in business economics which was not always associated with the liberal idealism that I lived and desired. My first intention for pursuing the degree was to make money for a positive cause, but eventually I realized my real desire was to find happiness and community free of the capitalist temperaments that surrounded me.
My first international affair began in Thailand as I had always fantasized of living in a country surrounded by natural beauty and indigenous, rustic living environments. While Thailand was undergoing significant changes in the late seventies, there were still many communities that remained undisturbed by westernization and civil development. I was also attracted to Buddhist ideals that occupy many areas of Thailand, a country that has been in the middle of hundreds of years of exchange within the Asian continent. During my stay I ventured through many parts of the country and ended up staying for some time at a Theravada Buddhist monastery near Khon Kaen. I learned a lot about the essence of the Buddhist practice, and found much time to dwell and experience their form of self-contemplative practice. I had gained a lot in regards to spiritual balance and harmony, and was able to understand more about the nature of my spiritual life.
I wanted to stay with the monastery for a long time, maybe even take up the order of monkhood. But Ajahn Viradhammo, the monastery's senior Monk, advised me that my path of spirituality was to be determined in India, not in Thailand. "You have the heart of India. Thailand is not your refuge in this birth" he said, "Your journey for the truth is grounded in India." I had asked him what he meant by this, but he replied only with the question "When do you plan to return to the US?" He was hinting that my time had come to return home. With the guidance of my Buddhist Master I left the Monastery after 4 month to return to the US and earn money for my future ventures.
By my return in the early 80's a vast number of Indian gurus had entered the mainstream conversation of Western liberalism. They taught ideas that were new and innovative while giving us a glimpse of a whole new perspective for our lives. Osho was one of my favorite teachers who had made the trip to America to propagate and spread the ancient techniques of India. While many of his teachings were similar to the ideals of the 70's, he was able to build off of our basic foundation and point us in a new direction, a path towards spiritual peace and balance. I read many of the books written by Osho. The more I read, the greater interest I had found within myself to discover the true meaning and purpose of my life. I had many questions that needed to be answered, and I also believed in the fact that a guru would withhold many invaluable instructions that I was not able to grasp from my own knowledge and experience.
Yet I had come to face a major problem. Osho and other gurus of the west were flooded with devotes and students, and many of them were constantly moving from place to place in order to accommodate the large number of people that had taken interest in the teachings. What I need was a place to settle down, somewhere where I could spend time contemplating things that I was not able to understand on my own in my apartment in Boston. I also wanted to stay in one place, peacefully removed from the overburden of my 9 to 5 work which constantly brought stress and anxiety into my life. The answer, I decided, was to find a guru in India, one who had not been overtaken by the flood of western students seeking knowledge, peace, and enlightenment. India would fulfill two goals of mine; one to explore yoga and the other to explore the foresight of my teacher and senior monk in Thailand.
My Search for a Guru in The Himalayas
In March 1983 I boarded my first plane trip to India. My destination: Delhi. My plan: to travel to the Himalayas and find a guru who could guide me towards spiritual enlightenment and my divine essence. As any who has been to India for the first time will know, entering the country of India from a Western community can be an over stimulation and overwhelming experience. While I had visited other Asian countries including China and Thailand, none had met me with such surprise as my trip to India. I was overcome with both joy and fear as I tried to venture a country totally foreign to my, only using the local buses, trains, and rickshaw services. After nearly a week of travel I finally reached a small village in Uttarkashi. My first mission was to find an ashram. After extensive search I found Swami Narayan Tirtha's ashram Shankar Math along the banks of the holly Ganges. 
There I found myself studying yoga, learning teachings from a lineage of yoga perhaps thousands of years old, and coming to understand the really spirituality that I was searching for. But something was missing and the words of Ajahn Viradhammo returned to my head often "Your journey for the truth is grounded in India." I had not felt that the ashram had fulfilled my inner desires and needs, and besides I was running out of money and my family was worried over my extended international journeys. Once again I returned to the US, my heart yearning for a spiritual home.
The return home was abrupt as I had expected to find the answers to my spiritual desire and needs. I was also anxious to see if Ajahn Viradhammo foresight was to come true as I had found much solace at the monastery and was taken aback when I was sent home from the place I loved. With discouragement I decided to dismount my international travels for some time and continue my spiritual quest from the plethora of spiritual teachings that had become obsolete in the US. Yoga and Hinduism was no longer foreign to many of my friends and colleagues, and several of them had adopted practices from the transcendental era of spirituality. I decided to stay to the mystic's path as it was one I had become accustom to. Beside the familiarity, I was also growing spirituality through yoga, and found new questions and desires for spirituality that were subtle yet vital to my daily spiritual life. I found a job at an accounting firm in Portland, Organ, and decided to once again consider the possibility of raising money in order do something positive for people in the future.
Return to India: Spirituality of the South
After nearly eight years in Organ my yearning for spiritual truth began to burn from the earth of my soul to the extent that it was nearly unbearable. A close friend of mine had told me of a Swami in Kerala whom had guided his college friend in spirituality and curried him of a manic depressive disorder which had plagued his emotional life since childhood. I decided to take this an opportunity to explore India once again, this time with a specific destination and purpose; I would visit Sri Swami Atmananda in Kerala, and if possible explore the distinct spiritual traditions of Southern India. I bought a plane ticket to Chennai, and in September of 2000 I arrived in India once again, the home of the yogic tradition and hopefully the birthplace of my spiritual life.
India is well known for its fantastic culture and vibrant community-center style of living. There is rarely a sense of down time in India as the whole county is in a constant buzz, vibration and pulsing from the energy of a historically charged and culturally complex society. Eighty percent of the over one billion people that living in India are Hindu, a population nearly 3 times that of the United States. Each of these souls is practicing a tradition that is over 4,000 years old, and could potentially be up to 10,000 years of age. Such a community cannot be found anywhere else in the world. Next to Judaism, Hinduism is the oldest living tradition known to anthropological scholars. Despite the challenges of Buddhism, Jainism, Sikhism, and Islamism, Hinduism has remained the corner stone and center point of Indian culture. Such religious strength can only prevail if meaningful teachings sustain the practice and faith; if it was not valuable to the people, Hinduism would have been discarded thousands of years back along with the political systems that endorsed their beliefs. Yet Hinduism still remains and the spiritual essence of the practice continues to guide countless souls of the past, present, and future towards our divine self.
Kerala was one of the most colorful states I had visited in India. One village in particular was bathed in red colors which give the city a balance and unity I had never experience before. After exploring Kerala for a few weeks I followed the directions provided by my friend and found the ashram located towards the Southern tip of Kerala. The Swami Atmananda's ashram was near the ocean, and it gave a many opportunities to venture up and down the cost when I did not have to attend to my spiritual lessons and responsibilities within the ashram. I was provided a good room and daily meals at the ashram, but Swami Atmananda had left to northern India and the ashram staff did not know when to expect his return. After two month of stay at the ashram, Swami Atmananda had not arrived. I had made a good friend in the course of my stay at Swami Atmananda's Ashram, a native of Kerala name Lakshmi who had studied her BS in Electrical Engineering but decided to start living the life of a yogi after she lost her husband to cancer.
Lakshmi had heard of an ashram in Tamil Nadu located outside of the temple city of Madurai. While she did not know the name of the ashram, she had heard many stories from other residents of Swami Atmananda's ashrams regarding the practices and techniques offered by this guru in Madurai. They all refered to him as Jnana Singam which literally translates as the Lion of Wisdom. "You do not even know the name of this guru" I protested "how do you ever expect to find him or her?"
With her keen faith and devotion Lakshmi replied "God's will always lead me to the right places."
While I believed in God and had much love for the Divine, I was skeptical of her clause. How can you find someone if you do not know where to begin? But there was still no sight of Swamiji at the ashram, and for the sake of adventure I decided to join Lakshmi to go in search of this guru from Madurai. I loved to travel India, and this was an opportunity I could not pass up.
9 hours and several bus rides later we arrived in Madurai, tired, weary, but excited to search for the Wisdom Lion of Madurai (or wherever he might be). The city was gorgeous and the streets lined with historical buildings and monuments. The most spectacular aspect of Madurai was the city's temples which could be found within every kilometer within the city. To start our venture, Lakshmi and I decided to find a yoga teacher who could guide us in finding Jnana Singam. Our first stop was the Chinmayananda ashram which was located directly within the city. Lakshmi had studied at other Chinmayananda ashrams in India and knew many of the swamis within the lineage. "Do you know a guru referred to as Jnana Singam" Lakshmi asked in Tamil. We had found the senior swami at the ashram and decided to enquire about this mysterious guru.
"I have never heard of such a teacher" he replied. The Swami invited us to lunch at the ashram on account of our visit, and wished us off by directing us to another ashram outside of the city: Ramakrishna Mutt.
Again we inquired for the Jnana Singam of Madurai. "I do not believe such a guru exists ladies" the sanyassi at the ashram replied "are you sure he is from Madurai?" My thought began to fade towards my initial assumption, that Swami Jnana Singam was not a real teacher, or perhaps he was not from Madurai, or even Tamil Nadu for that matter. I encouraged Lakshmi that we return to our hotel and plan for some travels in and around the city. After that we could return to Atmananda's ashram since he may have returned by the time we reach the ashram.
"I am sure that he is here" Lakshmi replied "I have an intuitive feeling about this divine teacher." Again skepticism overtook me, but I kept my comments to myself this time.
A Small Miracle in Our Search for Jnana Singam
In the morning Lakshmi and I jumped into an auto rickshaw and flew into the center of the city where the Meenakshi Amman Temple is located. Known as one of the major pilgrimage sites for Hindus, the Meenakshi Amman Temple is visited by millions of spiritual aspirants ever year. After giving our shoes to one of the shoe stalls (as shoes are not allowed inside the temple), Lakshmi and I enter the monumental temple with 4 high towers that reached toward the sky, covered in images of gods and goddesses from the Hindu epics. "I will pray for finding our teacher" Lakshmi said "when I pray many great things have happened for me in the past." I did not argue and decided to join her with the hope that something would lead us in the right direction. After sitting for some time, Lakshmi and I explored the temple and eventual began our exit towards the city, which was completely removed by giant walls surrounding the temple.
Just as we began to exit, a young man with a shaved head and dhoti began to make a quick walk towards us. "Excuse me madam" he called. As this happened many times throughout my journeys through India, I reacted instinctually by ignoring him. "Madam please" he said, calmly but determined "I have seen you the other day at our Chinmayananda ashram and I overheard your conversation with swamiji."
Now he had our attention, as we were always interested to meet new spiritual aspirant and devotees. "You asked swamiji about Jnana Singam didn't you?"
"Yes" Lakshmi replied with excitement and anticipation. "Do you know him?" she asked.
"Madam, his real name is Swami Tureyananda but people from other parts of India often refer to him as Jnana Singam. I have met him personally, but many people call him crazy, and many of the people at his ashram are also considered to be a little strange and unusual" he said.
Lakshmi was about the overflow with joy "Please sir, do you know where we can find him? We have traveled all the way from Kerala to find Jnana Singam."
"You must go to Kodaikanal then. His ashram is there in the hills. He sometimes visits Madurai, but it is much easier to find him if you go directly to the ashram." The young devotee stated. "But the ashram is not easy to access, and you must ask a local for directions. If you wish I can give you the number of my friend?"
We invited our new friend and guide to dinner as he had saved our journey and pointed us in the direction we were searching for. But with a humble plea he insisted that it was time to return to the ashram, and as quickly as he entered our lives he had again vanished into the evening. "Faith is a powerful guide"said Lakshmi. I began to understand the power of faith and trust in the higher forces. It was amazing how things come together at times, sometimes beyond our expectation.
Lakshmi and I were very eager to visit the now discovered Jnana Singam revealed to us as Swami Tureyananda. We immediately went to a small travel agency in the center of the city and asked how we could reach Kodaikanal from Madurai. The travel agent told us that one bus would go directly from Madurai to Kodaikanal at 8 am every morning. The next morning we woke up and left with our bags to the central bus stand to find the next available bus to Kodaikanal. Lakshmi and I were bouncing with joy to meet Swami Tureyananda. Our adventure was taking us to our destination, and while the sanyassi had warned us about Tureyananda and his "crazy" disciples, we were none the less eager to meet him and decide for ourselves the state of the ashram's psychosis.
After a few hours we reached the main city in Kodaikanal. By the time we reach the temperature had dropped at least 8-10 degrees Celsius, a great contradiction to the usually overwhelming heat of India. Kodaikanal was lush with vegetation, and after living in populated areas for the couple of years it was more than a relief to be in a natural forest environment. First we checked into a hotel to make sure we could leave our bags somewhere safe before our further investigation of Swamiji.
While the hotel reception manager had never heard of Swamiji, he told us that we might be able to find Swami Tureyananda or Jnana Singam through the priest at the local temple. Because it was a temple for the local deity, the receptionist felt that there was a good chance the priest would be able to direct us towards our swami. After taking a 20 min journey by taxi, Lakshmi and I reached the temple. Located on the edge of a steep hill, the temple overlooked a large valley covered with trees, bushes, and flowers. Clouds rolled over the hills and we paced towards the goddess at the center of the temple. As we entered the central chamber of the temple we notice a small man holding flickering candle above the head of the small deity. We approached the priest and asked him if he had ever heard of Swamiji. "Of course. Him and his disciples are well known within the area. Some people say they are mad, others say he is a divine light" the priest replied.
"Well what do you think?" asked Lakshmi?
"He is a man of determination." He hesitated, "What is it that you young ladies are seeking?"
Lakshmi told him of our adventures from Kerala to Madurai, and finally to Kodaikanal. She told him about the stories we herd along the way, and also our encounter with the sanyassi at the Chinmayananda ashram.
"Oh I see" replied the priest "well if you desire to find him you will need to give yourself a day as the ashram is located off into the hills. You can only access the ashram by walking."
We gave our thanks to the priest, and returned again to our hotel to discuss the plans. Our final decision was to take our bags and journey to the ashram the next day. If they accepted us, then we would stay for a night or two. If not, we would return later in the evening. We had dinner, and feel asleep hoping that tomorrow would bring a close to our adventure.
Our Venture into the Forest to Find Swami Tureyananda
The next morning we arose with the sun peaking through the cracks in the overlaying clouds of Kodaikanal. It was a cool morning as the air was still cold enough to see the mist of every breath. Again we hired a taxi, this time heading towards the last village before the road ended and the footpath began. We began our trek at 9 am, walking along the beaten footpath which was said to lead to this Jnana Singam's layer. Along the way we passed women and men who had not been touched by India's fast growing economy, trapped in time by India's traditional culture that was spread to pocket areas of India's remote villages. We asked nearly every other person along the way to make sure we were heading in the right direct. "Swami Tureyananda Ashram" Lakshmi asked. Nearly everyone simply pointed down the path that lay ahead of us. After an hour of hiking through forests, climbing over brooks, and occasionally scampering across farm fields, we reached the ashram. Suddenly I got extremely nervous. "Maybe we should turn around." I whispered.
But Lakshmi had ignored my last plea, or perhaps did not hear it, and continued to wander toward the ashram. Suddenly a man stepped in front of us, smiling and laughing as if he had heard a hilarious joke. "What are you young women doing in the middle of this forest?" he asked in English "you do not look like you are from here, especially with those jackets and hats." He chuckled again. With surprise I nearly lost my balance. After walking in the forest and feeling as if I had walked back a hundred years into India's past, this man stood before us laughing in English and sporting a short haircut and nice button down shirt with the newest style of pants.
"Sir we have come to meet Swami Tureyananda..." she hesitated "or should I call him Jnana Singam? We have come all the way from Kerala to meet Swamiji." He looked over his shoulder. "Well you might have come to the right place. But the two of you look worn out from the long walk, perhaps you should take some rest and eat before you get too carried away by this search for Swamiji." He pointed us toward a large adobe building surrounded by trees, and briskly walked off into another direction towards the sound of distant voices.
"Are you sure about this" I asked Lakshmi again.
This time she heard me "yes, I know this is right. Besides we have come this far, let us at least see what is happening here."
"But did you see that guy?" I asked. "Aren't ashram devotees supposed to wear dhotis, loincloths, or something less fashionable?"
"Let us just see" said Lakshmi.
We entered the building. The interior was gently lit by the glow of the afternoon sun, and as our eyes began to adjust to the soft light we noticed an older man sitting on the ground, surrounded by books.
"Hello sir, we just arrived here after walking from the main town. We were walking up the path and a man told us to enter this building for rest and food." Lakshmi exclaimed.
"You have come to the right place." The main said, pointing to a group of disciples eating an afternoon meal on banana leaves. "Please have a seat next to those women and you will be served lunch."
Lakshmi and I looked at each other and began our move towards the group. While the gesture is a very humble welcome to a foreign guest, it is considered a part of Indian tradition to treat all guests as messengers of god, one of the many beauties of India's traditional lifestyle. Lakshmi and I took a seat at a younger lady placed a banana leaf in front of us, a common supplement for plates.
I leaned over to Lakshmi's side "Ask the women next to you about that man outside. He seemed very odd."
Lakshmi turned towards the woman sitting along her side, quietly enjoying her meal. "Excuse me madam. How long have you stayed at the ashram here?" Lakshmi asked
"I have always lived in Kodaikanal. I come to visit swamiji on occasion to receive his blessing and guidance for myself and my family." She replied.
"Madam, we saw a strange fellow standing outside the ashram who has guided us to this place. He was wearing all modern cloths and laughing as if there was something to laugh about. Who was he?" Lakshmi inquired.
"Was he wearing a white collared shirt?" She asked.
"Yes." Lakshmi replied.
"I think you have met swamiji." She said causally.
I coughed, nearly chocking on my food. All of this traditional, almost village style living and that was swamiji? How could a swami run an ashram like this out in the middle of the forest but live as a guru wearing khakis and a dress shirt. He looked much more like an economic businessman than a spiritual man, let alone a swamiji. I nearly punched Lakshmi with excitement and confusion. She turned, looked me in the eyes, and shrugged. We ate our meal and continued to talk to Kartamma, our new friend, about her life and experience with Swamiji. In the little time we sat and spoke she told us much about her life in Kodaikanal. After finishing the meal she continued the conversation as we walked around the ashram, enjoying the mountain view and the natural scenery.
Kartamma was born and raised in Kodaikanal, and her father was a farmer of their land which supplied the both food and economic stability. Swamiji was a teacher for her father, and had helped him recover from a severe arthritis problem that was preventing him from working and providing for his family. Like many of the village families, people came to swamiji for advice and guidance. When Kartamma turned 18, Swamiji had helped her father arrange for her marriage, a young man from the neighboring village.
"I've been happy ever since" she said. "He is a wonderful husband and we enjoy the spiritual life together." We continued to walk around the ashram, enjoying the peace and serenity of the natural environment.
Time had passed as though hours had suddenly taken the form of minutes, and we had totally forgotten the fact that we might have to return to hotel back in the city. "If you wish" Kartamma said, "You may stay with us tonight, and then leave in the morning when you are fit and ready to return."
We graciously took her offer as it gave us an opportunity to continue our ventures into the ashram. A meditation session was going to assemble after dinner, and it was a perfect opportunity for us to see the swamiji we had mistook for a IT professional.
After dinner everyone proceeded to an open space overlooking the large valley below us. As we sat facing the depth of the evening's recession towards night, swamiji began a short discourse in the power of meditation. Shifting between Tamil and English, swamiji was catering to everyone, a few foreign students sitting together in one corner along with the other Indian students like our friend Kartamma. As we sat underneath the stars, the valley became alive with chirping crickets and the soft stroke of the evening breeze. As we moved into meditation, my mind slipped into an envelope of peace, one that I had never experienced before yet one that seemed very close to me, as if it were a part of my life since the beginning. By the time meditation had finished, my body had shifted into complete silence and solitude. I was awake, and totally involved with the natural beauty that surrounded us.
After a while the group gradually dissipated, each person get consultation from swamiji before vanishing into the darkness towards their beds. "We met you with much surprise." Said swamiji. "Kartamma tells me that you have come all the way from Kerala to see me?" he chucked, this time with a joyous, bellyful laugh. "Did you find Swami Tureya?" he asked.
"That's an odd question I thought" to myself. "Of course we did, he's you" I said.
"Not everything in life appears as you expect it to" said swamiji. "You are welcome to stay with us as long as you wish. Make this place your home, as it is a home to all."
Lakshmi and I climbed into a cozy and comfortable adobe style room, one similar to several others that were spread throughout the ashram. As we closed the door and light the candles a cool breeze lofted into the air carrying the scent of the flowers from outside. I climbed into my covers, and before I could ignite a conversation with Lakshmi a heavy sleep swept over me and I fell into the bliss of deep and dreamless sleep. The next morning a bell sounded at 6, a wake-up-call for all and a call to the morning meditation and asana practice. It was still cold outside, but I was more than awake and ready to start the new day.
The morning class was filled with energy and vibrancy as swamiji guided us through a series of practice which filled the body with vitality and relaxed the mind for the meditation that followed. Again in meditation I slipped into the peace I had experienced the night before. I could not deny it. The swami in the khakis had a vibrancy which I had not experience before in the past with all of my spiritual practice. I was relieved, because I felt as though I had found my home. Perhaps this was the place that Ajahn Viradhammo had referred to as my foundation in the spiritual life, my place for rooting the soul of my inner peace.
After breakfast Lakshmi and I approach swamiji, this time with much more shyness and reservation. "What has happened to you two. Before you were boldly standing before me, and now you are looking at my feet. Spirituality is within not without. Let us be friends first, then we may begin to find our way along the path of spirituality" swamiji stated. I felt relieved. I had judged him as an ordinary man before, but now I felt reverence towards him.
"Swamiji?" I asked. "We have traveled some ways to find you. It was like following your shadow. But we found you! We really love it here, but we have left our bags at the hotel in Kodaikanal and..."
"You are always welcome here" swamiji said. "If you wish, return for your bags and come back tomorrow."
My two day journey that I had planned turned into a week. A week turned into a month. And a month became a year. As time passed I had forgotten many of the worries that had plagued my life for many years; work, marriage, children, money, every worry and strange desire faded into nothing and I felt peace at last. A new sense of awareness blanketed my heart, and I felt as though I had returned again to the most basic, simple and harmonious style of living.
The lifestyle and lessons at the ashram had a profound effect on all part of my being. There is much to be said about learning yoga in a natural environment from a teacher who has mastered the spiritual life and is teaching with love, affection and care. I have studied yoga, Buddhism, and other forms of eastern spirituality both in the US and in their native countries. What I found and discovered was that the spiritual ground is most fertile in the place of origins, and while we can surely realize our true self anywhere, anytime, anyplace, it is easiest when the teachings are offered in a setting that has vibrated the spiritual lessons for millennia together. It is also of great benefit to students of their guru is a truly enlightened being, one who had achieved the greater realization of divinity. Through their instruction, example, and direction we can discover the same powerful lifeline that rests within each and every one of us.
Swamiji was always occupied with the needs of each disciple and student. He took and still continues to take great care in the spiritual health and welfare of disciple who he always considered his family and lifelong friends. While I had a course of spiritual practices and techniques that including teaching in tantra, raising the kundalini, and some asana practices other students at the ashram had very different paths which they followed, some reading books for hours together while others worked in the farm land that surrounded the ashram. Everyone had a unique path, and Swamiji was keen to each individual's spiritual destiny, taking care to ensure they would reach their final destination.
Swamiji's humility was sometimes overwhelming as I yearned for such stillness and selflessness. "Guruji, let Kartamma take a picture of me and you together so that I may show my friends back home." I said one day.
"You may take our picture if you remember me as your friend and if you wish your guru. May this photo remind you of your home here in India" he replied. "But Laura you must keep this photo for you. Spirituality is possible for all. We must not give others the impression that only a swamiji can obtain peace and joy in this lifetime. I am simply a servant of God's will."
I understood what Swamiji had suggested. For a long time I overheard conversation between swamiji and disciples. "Swamiji we must put up a website for you" one of the foreign students had pleaded one day. "I am a web designer and can do it for you once I get home."
Swamiji hesitated. "We are not a business or commercial spa where people come and go and realize nothing. With the grace of god students will come when the time is appropriate in their lives."
As I began to spend more time in the natural setting of the ashram, I started to realize my connection and greater relationship with mother earth and the divine creation. From the earth we came, to the universe we will return. Moving out of a city and into nature was a very important part of the spiritual path for me as I began to realize the natural flow that the world takes, a movement through time and space in which we can barely fathom in our short lifespan. Living in nature and with nature is important because we begin to see the insignificance of daily troubles and worries and begin to realize the significance of the grander creation.
Time passed, and I took on a whole new form and state of being, one that I had not realized until I reflected upon my past. Guruji had turned around and worked through me from the inside and out of my character and soul, creating a new sense of being, awareness, and living that I had not been able to achieve through my own efforts. After a year and a half at the ashram, I had undergone a complete transformation, my mind, body, and soul standing before the world in a whole new shade of vibrant colors. Swamiji noted this change one day "Before you came somewhat confused, no?" he asked gently.
"Yes swamiji. I really did not know what I wanted, and I also was looking for a spiritual teacher who would ground my roots in the spiritual life. I looked everyone, and then only I had found you." I said.
"We are grateful that you are part of our family. Though we may be different in color and our birth land may be in different countries, we all have come together for the greater meaning of life."
"I am in debt to you swamiji." I blushed. "There I was running with an empty glass, and you have filled my cup to the brim."
Swamiji thought for a moment. "Your efforts are always very important in this life. I have only guided you along the way as you fed the coals to the engine. It is you who must make the choice and it is you who must take action to find out who you really are."
"I think I could live here forever." I said, hoping that this might be a suggestion to a lifelong stay at the ashram.
"Laura, we must do our service to the world as well. We should not simply sit here and enjoy the fruit of the spiritual life without sharing the benefits with others. You may stay as you wish, but I think you might find greater depth in the spiritual path if you share it with your friends back home in the US."
I thought about Swamiji's suggestion. I wanted to live in the ashram until my last breadth . The cool temperate climate had become my mother, the spiritual vibration of the community my water and food. Could I live without them? I remembered a lesson some time back in karma yoga which swamiji directed on occasion. "We should do good things in this world." He said. "Otherwise what is the meaning of life? Should we sit and enjoy ourselves as children are suffering and mothers starving, as business men and women at home struggle to keep sanity and peace in the hectic commotion of modern society? We must share our knowledge so that others may benefit and have the opportunity to discover the spiritual life too!" My answer had come in a flash. It was time for me to test my spirituality and also offer my services to my community in the US.
My parents had moved to Boston during my stay in India, and I decided I would return home for Valentine's Day in 2005 to celebrate love without the material aspect, just time together as a family, enjoying the company of those who had brought me into the world. After a month in Boston I returned to Portland to meet up with some of my old friends and see if I could start a new path in my life as a teacher and instructor of yoga and spirituality.
Many of my old friends and colleagues were still working in the corporate world, anxious and overwhelmed by the bustle of office drama and executive financing. Some had changed jobs, others had divorced, and a few had found a great deal of success within the office but still remained narcotic about losing their job. After only a week of staying in Boston my friends wanted to arrange for a part "let's celebrate your return to civilization" they said. All of a sudden I realized that I had left behind a very big part of my past, one that was filled with drinking, drugs, sex, and parties.
"Why don't we just watch a movie instead" I suggested. This sounded like a much better plan for an enjoyable evening. I had lost all interested in the things of the past and the reckless ways of a social standard I had forgotten. "What a waste of energy." I thought.
"Come on." My friend Jenny insisted. "Stop joking. I'll even invite that guy Shaun you liked so much in the past. He's still around you know?" I did not care. Nor was I joking.
"No really. I would much rather go for a hike. Portland is home to nature." I suggested.
"You've really become a little crazy haven't you?" Jenny replied "Of course we can go for a hike, but we can be tree huggers latter, now let's party and enjoy your return."
Still I was not interested. Not even a drop. "Ok we'll see" I said to council her desire. A week had passed, and a told my friends that I was still suffering from jetlag. Sorry, no party now. Really I meant no party ever. Spirituality had taken my life, and I was now a whole new being, fresh from a death of my past and freed from a new birth of my inner life. I wasn't trying to prove anything to anyone; I just could not be in the old situations anymore. They did not cater to my need. I began to realize the "craziness" that everyone spoke of in regards to swami Tureya, Jnana Singam, and the small spiritual community tucked in the cradle of nature and a vast mountainous valleys, a craze that was not in the community but in our newest bread of alcoholism, addictions, and self-manifested abuse that plagued our western societies and taught our children too much about sex, violence, and drug abuse. The difference was there, but the problem, or perhaps negative flow, was in our culture's inability to cope with life with natural, healthy, and sustainable means for health and happiness.
Swamiji and the tureya foundation were indeed crazy. They walked a very distinguished path, one which was free of abuse, intolerance, and social injustice. They worked for the people, and lived for the blissful life, one that could be shared with all. Now I honor and enjoy the craziness of my family in India, as they are crazy from the happiness and joy they have discovered from the divinity within their hearts and soul. No one can steal my self-awareness, my bliss can never be lost or taken from me; I can be anywhere in the world and it will always be with me. I do not have to take it in a bag or store it in a bank. It is here with me always, and I can share it with everyone without worrying. I am crazy and I am happy.
Every year or two I return to the ashram and my family in India to work on the deeper levels of consciousness and my internal evolution. It is here that I find my refuge and home for the spiritual life I was born to discover. I have traveled the breath and width of the world, but my home is in a small community resting in the mountains of Southern India. While I had studied yoga and spirituality for many years, the light of spirituality remained dimmed behind a veil of my ego and self-desires. My studies with swamiji have unveiled the darkness and open my eyes to the light of spirituality, the blazing fire of the divinity that hide within my heart, waiting to escape and share its bliss and joy.
The spiritual journey is the only journey in life where revelation is continuous and bliss steadily but consistently increases. Life never stays static along the journey of the spirit, and as time passes more and more is unveiled, and the experience of life, the awareness of the divine consciousness, is withheld in the very essence of our beings. We see and find the meaning of life, and we realize that we are part of one unified whole, a conscious-creation which is unfolding before us. It is the play of divinity, one that we can both experience and be a conscious participant in.
As time permits I return to the ashram to visit my friends and our divine guru. With each visit I find new vitality and inspiration for the life ahead, and with each moment of practice I sense guruji's guidance and direction towards the inner light and bliss of the divine-self. As my ego is hollowed out a humble joy and happiness replaces it, leaving me with more strength and more energy to go deeper within and closer to the ultimate relationship with divinity.
Often I reflect on the experience and journey that has lead me to the spiritual life and guruji. The true spiritual life is distinct from all other paths in life. While everyone is moving towards a more meaningful and purposeful life, some are fortunate enough to find a direct route to bliss that is hidden behind humanities inborn ego and self-centered desires. When we begin to look beyond our craving and turn towards the spiritual life, everything begins to change. Life takes on a whole new transformation. Even on our journey towards Kodaikanal people, even sanyassis, referred to swamiji and the techniques at the ashram as crazy. But both guruji and the teachings are sound measurements towards the spiritual life, and with each new day I have been able to find the true spiritual life my heart and soul desired, one filled with bliss, vitality, and peace.
Tureya Ashram and Community in the Present
Everyone must make a choice in life. Our choices ultimately determine the future happiness, peace, and harmony we may find within this short span of time here on earth. Beliefs are formed with the hope that the more we continue with a specific action or thought the more happiness we will be able to discover. Spirituality was created to give people an opportunity to satisfy and relieve their burning craving for peace and happiness by fulfilling life's desire and returning the soul and mind to the origins of creation.
Today Swami Tureyananda's ashram in Kodaikanal is a place of refuge for my friends, family, and students who are all seeking the spiritual path. I guide them towards my home with Tureya because I firmly believe that they will be able to discover their own unique journey towards the divine-life that stands before them in their walk towards the blissful-divine. When time permits, I also organize spiritual retreats for my closest students and take them to visit swamiji in the mountains, giving them a taste of the vibrancy that filled me to the brim with spiritual wisdom.
The ashram is my home, and I am always anxious to return and spend time within the beauty and solitude of nature. They have never asked me for money, but I always give donation so that my family may continue to share their spiritual teaching with others.
Today the ashram is connected by a single lane road, and electricity helps to keep the hiking paths lit through the night. While initially this idea disturbed me, Kartamma told me that the disciples and swamiji wanted to make the community more accessible and welcoming for students coming from western lifestyles. They have always existed for the benefit of others, and I think it was a small sacrifice they have made so that many more people may discover the divine peace of self-realization. I have seen and met many disciples during my stay at Kodaikanal, some from India while many others traveling to our humble family in Southern India. While the natural beauty is still intact, more people can now benefit from the teachings of swamiji.
Today it is only a 10 minute walk from the small and windy road that gives access to the ashram. Within the last year swamiji's disciples have put a website online (after much persistence I am sure), part of their hope and desire to spread the spiritual teachings of swamiji and the traditional practices of yoga that have transformed my life and the lives of many of my students, friends, and family as well. While today there is a charge for the programs and courses, it is only there to help discourage large numbers of people from staying at the ashram. But money is not important, and the ashram still welcomes many friends and family members of disciples free of charge. There are also volunteer opportunities for those who are truly devoted to spiritual living. The ashram has always used what resources they have to help people grow spiritually. They also use a majority of the donations from program fees to offer lower class village families and children an opportunity to find greater stability, health, social justice and independence. It is our communities work to "do good" for the people and our global family.
Self-realization is not for the select few, it is for everyone. Everyone and everything come from the same pure and divine essence. There is no separation between the many forms of creation. With this truth, anyone, no matter the past, may realize the true-self in this very lifetime. All it takes is a little sense of adventure and a great desire for bliss and greater enlightenment. So you must become crazy for spirituality. You must seek to truth of your divinity, and work to discover this essence within you. My ventures have been tiresome and arduous, but every single moment was a valuable addition to my spiritual enfoldment and evolution. You too can find this bliss, but only if you are ready to become "crazy" like the rest of us and walk the path of truth and self-realization. Challenge yourself, and see what you can find; eternity is waiting for you.
